To be an actress is to wonder...

For years, I preferred to call myself an “actor,” thinking the gender-differentiation a silly and inconsequential one. It was also an early (misguided?) attempt at feminism: “If BOYS can be actors, why can’t *I*??”  (This is the girl who used to play “Indiana Jones” with her little sister, mind you. In the starring role, of course.)

At age “over 30,” I have officially changed my mind.

Being an actress is kindof like hitting up the ladies’ room during intermission. You watch all those men just waltz on into their own appointed space, all leisurely-like, while you get the awkward and frustrating communal experience of BEING IN A LINE and feeling time slip away....

I recently read that 30-35% of theatre roles each season are female. That would be super-awesome if only 30-35% of the people pursuing acting were female. As it stands, we out-number the fellas.

This is not to say that it is “easy” for men to be actors...to be seen, to get roles. From what I can tell, even the known and hailed actors in my city still have to audition for most of the roles they get. Maybe they don’t have to go to that first audition, but they have to show up at callbacks and read for the part like everyone else. What I *am* saying is I feel most conscious of my FEMALEness when trolling casting notices and going to auditions.

To be an actress is to be told things like, “It would hurt more for us to lose HIM than to lose YOU.” (I have been told this. "Because HE would be harder to replace.")

To be an actress is to rejoice in that union contract going to you instead of him (in my most recent instance, it was because one of the HIMs happened to be non-union at the time. I thank him still).

To be an actress is to sigh over casting notices, and try not to think “Why does this town hate women?”

What I find most upsetting, though, is not the dearth of gigs for my stage soul-sistahs (too much?:), but this thought: Are there so few roles for us because THEY ARE NOT BEING WRITTEN? Why do even female writers gravitate towards a male perspective?

What’s wrong with MY story? I made a really great Indiana Jones....


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ADDENDUM:

In an awesome twist of things, I have been given the occasional dude-role. Mostly by directors who seek to balance--even in little ways--the discrepancy. I high-five these brave souls, and offer you a photo gallery of the times when my art has allowed me to turn its own favoritism on its head. Kindof.

The Little Prince

Puck

Macbeth's Malcolm

King Lear's Fool