Since finishing tour, I have upwards of 3 jobs at once, depending on the week. I assist at a school; I am workshopping & (soon) rehearsing a play; I have signed up with a temp agency. I’ve been auditioning. (4 jobs, then?) Still, to be perfectly honest, hubby and I are having to tap into savings to pay bills right now. We at least HAVE the money, yes, but there’s always something disheartening about moving it from nest-egg to we-need-to-buy-eggs.
Any time you happen to look up at the calendar and see no acting gigs on the horizon, you think, “That’s it. No more. I’m washed up at the tender age of <insert tender age here>.” You bring to auditions anything from a vague hint to an all-out stench of desperation--the last thing auditors want to see. And when you somehow do land a role? When the stars align and someone has perceived at least a bit of your talent and they need just your type for a project? You half-enjoy it. The other part of your brain can’t help but worry about the near-future...4 or 6 or 8 weeks from now, when this gig is done, but you still have NEEDS. You need to eat, and pay bills. So you take up a job-job again. But what about that other need? Your body wasn’t the only thing that was hungry.
I’ve heard it said that actors act because they “have to.” Eh. I spent two years of my professional acting life not acting, and I didn’t die. I even had some fun!, and reached a point when I felt quite content with my daily life. I think actors--theatre actors, at least--act because of a deep-seated belief that grew in us at some point.... We believe in something that has been either dying or dead for years. We believe that this out-dated mode of communication & entertainment has yet within it the power to enrich our lives and the lives of others through imaginative, ritualistic communal experience. From there, I guess, we fall into two camps. We either believe in the theatre’s Second Coming, or we believe that touching the relatively few lives it touches year by year is enough.
We don’t beg you to go see our shows because we have to. We get paid either way, and we’ll feel as fulfilled as we allow ourselves to feel. We beg you because we are missionaries. Because we believe whole-heartedly that you will get something out of this...be it a jolly good time, inspiration, catharsis or a revelation. We believe that your life will be just the tiniest bit lovelier/happier/more fun/more meaningful because of 2 hours spent in the dark with strangers as you are all given (and take part in) a story.
Granted, the church metaphor may be a bit...dramatic:). No, I do not pray to Theatre (or even its patron god). I have a personal philosophy/religion that is much bigger than my art. I do, however, believe that good theatre (not necessarily theatre with a lot of resources, but theatre that is thoughtful) can bring a person closer to their highest self. This, I would do for free. It is only my wishful thinking that keeps me seeking theatre that pays. When that runs dry, I will do this for free. I will do this for free.
