I'm just gonna jump right in here:
I'm having a hard time.
Not an awful time, no. But a hard one.
I've felt for a while that life is about balancing, and freelance life perhaps even more so. And freelance life with a child? EVEN even more so. So...I know this. But the seesaw has just been even more extreme these last few months, for some reason. Is it that I have a full-fledged toddler now? Is it that this is my 35th year on mama earth and that is a thought that is striking me weirdly hard? Is it that one of my first shows of the year tapped into some tough new places for me? So I did this really hard thing and found some new artistic territory and now, months later, I am still emotionally reeling but my career is probably in the exact same place as it was before the show, or even a year ago, or even two or three years ago because this profession does not care how much experience I have, how much time or heart I put into my craft, if I don't look a certain way then there may not even be a role for me in a company's season to begin with, much less the chance to read it, then the perfect alignment of things allowing me to get cast?
Is is because what I do for a living is manipulate AIR? So there is literally nothing to show for any of the YEARS' worth of plays I have helped to make? My "body of work" is a list on paper...the fragments of impressions in my brain, in scattered others' brains...when I want for my body of work, my LIFE'S work, to CREATE A WHOLE NEW FRICKIN' MOUNTAIN somewhere upon the earth?
